Lonely

Photo by Kristina Tripkovic on Unsplash

By Erin Deborah

I heard that you were lonely,

That you needed a friend.

Three years ago I would have dropped everything -

I would have run to you.

As soon as I arrived, bearing my love

With open arms,

You would have turned cold.

It’s been three years of you absent

And in that space I realised

I don’t need

You to care if it means me being forced to tell myself I am loved.

Sometimes you need someone else to ask you if you’re okay,

To sit and have dinner on an old sofa with you when you feel like the world is closing in and you might just 

drown.

I’m not angry, not hurt,

Just tired

Of feeling like an

Afterthought,

Only for you to come back when you’re lonely.

You don’t know about the moments I’ve been lonely, you don’t ask.

The moments I’ve been scared, unstable,

Crying for help

And asking for it on the kitchen floor.

It took three years for me to finally say these words.

So no, since you didn’t want to give me your hand when I was begging for it, desperately clawing for a friend as I fell into a dark hole,

I sure as hell won’t give you mine when you’re finally feeling a bit lonely.